Was I jealous of the ease with which I assumed they could date and marry? Was I trying to reduce the value of the traditional family to justify myself? Was I simply trying to cope with being different?
I've been thinking about my place in the world. Listening to different opinions is something I value; I don't want to get stuck intellectually.
Lessons from a Racist
For example, I listened to a two-hour interview of white nationalist/supremacist Richard Spencer. It was fascinating to see an intelligent man in his late 30s espouse such absurd notions. It was strange and fascinating to understand how he's justified his racism, and to see what people like him want from society: protection from "corruption," the preservation of values, and racial identity.
His solutions to his concerns are indefensible nonsense, but why does he have these concerns? What went wrong?
Protection from out-groups is a classic conservative obsession. I grew up in conservative circles, and it was very natural to be suspicious of the foreign, not because it was inherently evil, but because the world itself was corrupt and it was best to leave well enough alone. Of course, such a worldview is insufficient. There's a lot of good beyond one's borders, and I for one would like to see that good. I don't subscribe to the libertarian notion that diversity is nothing more than a leftist buzzword. I adore diversity, but I don't think it is a moral issue (more on that later).
I don't believe that Western values are, as Spencer insists, inherently white. Europe itself has a fair bit of racial diversity, and skin color obviously has more to do with the sun than innate potential. An Enthnostate is a ridiculous answer to the issue of how to preserve the meritorious aspects of Western Civilization in the face of potential threats and decay. First of all, the very concept of freedom precludes such a construction. And so you're left with something that has rules of inclusion that are based on something other than rights and rule of law. Such a system is bound to collapse or at the very least wither as suspicion turns to an increasingly strict set of people. First they reject people with dark skin, an act of true moral repugnance. Sexual minorities and thought minorities and maybe even entirely invented minorities could at any time come under fire to satiate the lust of a people who desires "purity." There is nothing reasonable about racism.
Racial identity is a flimsy structure under which to live your life. Sexual identity likewise is insufficient. If the only basis for your identity is your race or who you're attracted to, your life is going to come up short at some point. These are relatively immutable things that don't speak to your personality, your potential, or your moral value as a human being. If you tie your morals to your group, your rationality becomes predicated on theirs. Think of how decent German citizens were coaxed into the horrors of the holocaust with the promise of honor, power, and purity.
I've seen it first hand in an online chat: I tried to explain calmly that sex and gender identity are related, including providing evidence. Every other person (all LGBT) chewed me out. After asking for evidence for some of their claims, I was met with a moderator saying it's likely most people are transgender or intersex, and that person ended the conversation. Evolutionary biology is bound to upset people, myself included. Creating Derridean constructs to accommodate or bypass those findings is not pro-LGBT. Acknowledging biology and using that knowledge to improve LGBT people's lives and understanding of self is pro-LGBT.
I don't think many LGBT people would admit to an implicit bias against straightness, much like our tolerant culture would create hesitance in straight people to admit the gay corollary. But I see a danger in allowing the permutation of in-group preference to something more sinister. A refusal of dialog and rejection of diversity of thought is leading the LGBT community down the worrying path of denying respect and even science for ideology.
Ideology is exactly what has Richard Spencer so strongly in his grasp, and though white nationalism is (correctly) given little respect, everyone owes it to himself to strictly consider whether he is being controlled by ideological thought, no matter how mainstream. I did the same thing after leaving a fundamentalist Christian church and eventually I worked through the falsehoods that were taught to me. It wasn't easy. You feel safe when you can go into every interaction with a clear and correct answer.
But that's no way to live life. Existence isn't safe. It's a beautiful nightmare of love and uncertainty that it is our tremendous task to make what we can of it. Never assume that you know the truth beyond all doubt. There is a possibility that you haven't considered. Decipher the world as best you may, present your opinions, change when you need to, and stand up for the truth as you're able to understand it.
Diversity
My hope is to cultivate genuine appreciation for diversity in myself. And by this I mean that which is other than myself. I want to understand and value that which is good in the other and recognize the weaknesses as well.
- Diversity of religion - there is tremendous value in religion, and tremendous harm
- Diversity of sexuality - there is something remarkable about the tenacity of gay people, but there is myopia and carelessness as well
- Diversity of thought - hearing other people on their own terms with there own definitions is vital to reducing political polarization
- Diversity of culture - I adore other cultures, but I'm also willing to admit their failings
Rejecting diversity of X or Y kind isn't immoral, but you're might be short-selling yourself. There's so much to see and to learn out there.
Mysterious Life
But let me go back to my opening sentiment.
I experienced a moment of appreciation of the beauty of the familial patterns that have reproduced our species over countless years. The allure of men and the radiance of women and how their cooperation has produced the miraculous beauty of life overwhelmed me. How has something so strange and so familiar persisted so long? Consciousness was breathed into all of us, a mystery greater than anything, and still the drives of biology push us toward our future with a regularity that I can't fully wrap my head around.
My potential marriage with another man might be a bit different, but I hope to honor the legacy of countless forefathers and mothers through my pursuit of good. Our respect for our differences aren't at the expense of each other. We are individuals, and we are humanity.
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