Act 1Enrico: Edgardo is a jerk. I hate him. A lot.
Normanno: Yeah, your sister's dating him.
Lucia: I saw a freaky apparition, but Edgardo is awesome.
Edgardo: I am awesome. But I have run some errands for the king of France, so...
Lucia: You'll sigh your love to the wind?
Alisa: (I'm out of here.)
Edgardo: You can bet your marbles on it.
Lucia sees a freaky apparition
Enrico: Marry Arturo.
Lucia: But he's all short and second-tenorish.
Enrico: But he's rich—I mean he's *sich* a great guy. And look at this letter showing Edgardo's gone off with some other chick.
Lucia: Guisto ceil!
Enrico: Anywho, marry Arturo or else.
Raimondo: It's probably a good plan. Probably.
Chorus: We're a happy chorus.
Arturo: I'm pretty happy too.
Chorus: But our collective happiness is better.
Lucia: I'm signing this contract, even though I'd rather die. Just saying.
Edgardo: I'm back from France!—oh stink.
Lucia: It's not my fault! (Faints.)
Scotsmen are much more emotional when they sing in Italian
Act 2Edgardo: Duel me.
Chorus: We're still collectively pleased with the proceedings of this opera, you'll note.
Raimondo: Cease your merriment. Lucia went mad!
Chorus: Dear me.
Raimondo: She also stabbed her husband and—but look, here she comes.
Chorus: O giusto ceilo!
Lucia: Edgardo is awesome, and we're getting married. Woah, phantom. You know how awesome Edgardo is? This awesome. Snap, I'm going to die. Please leave me flowers.
Lucia goes mad for a while
Edgardo: Where's Lucia?
Raimondo: Heaven, alas. If only she hadn't listened to me.
Edgardo: Neewww! I will join her. (Stabs himself.) See you in heaven, Lucia!
Men's Chorus: What an idiot!