The First Actual Plot Summary

This week of NaNoWriMo has brought something new into my life: a complete plot synopsis. On Saturday, rather than turn out a hundred timorous words, I pounded out an 855-word plot summary that runs from the first event in the novel to the end.

The real end.

How did this mysterious thing happen? One word: Shower. The moment of apotheosis became as clear as day in that brief span of time without distractions (or grime).

This deserves a new YouTube video in celebration. Just broke 19,000 words this morning; here's to 50,000:

Words:
Melanie: No Matter what price is paid,
What stars may fade
Above,
I'll follow my secret heart
Till I find love.

When my I love somebody, please?
Paul: Not until you are safely married, and then only with the greatest discretion.
M: I see
P: What's the matter?
M: It doesn't feel like my birthday any more.

A cloud has passed across the sun,
The morning seems to longer gay.
With so much business to be done,
Even the sea looks grey.
C'est vrai. C'est vrai.
It seems that all the joy has faded from the day
As though the foolish world no longer wants to play.

You ask me to have a discreet heart
Until marriage is out of the way,
But what if I meet with a sweetheart so sweet
That my wayward heart cannot obey
A single word that you may say?

P: Then we shall have to go away.
M: No.
For there is nowhere we could go
Where we could hide from what we know
Is true.

Don't be afraid I'll betray you
And destroy all the plans you have made,
But even your schemes
Must leave room for my dreams.
So when all I owe to you is paid
I'll still have something of my own,
A little prize that's mine alone.
I'll follow my secret heart
My whole life through.
I'll keep all my dreams apart
Till one comes true.
No matter what price is paid,
What stars may fade
Above,
I'll follow my secret heart
Till I find love.

NaNoWriMo Again

My excitement to watch Scriver's word counter as I pound away on my ergonomic keyboard is matched only by my anticipation of reaching gold membership at Starbucks. It will be magical.

My story is also about magic. I'm even going so far as to call it The Magician, as original a title as any, my friends. Take a peek at my NaNoWriMo profile for updates about the book itself. Every day of November has a number next to it indicating how many words I need to write that day. Yesterday was 2,000. Today is 4,000. We'll see if that happens.

Meanwhile, I'm strapping on the Sennheiser headphones and closing Google Chrome. See you in a few thousand words.

Is Braveheart the Best Film in the History of Film?

You know you've asked yourself this piercing question: Is Braveheart the best movie ever?

Fewer pastimes are so truly American as wallowing in Mel Gibson's ego. Last Friday, I had a chance to do just that with his classic film, Braveheart. It concerns Sir William Wallace and his fight against the English. As perfect as that sounds, Gibson allowed some shortcomings he could have avoided if he had let me screen his movie back in 1995. I was 5 years old at the time and would have been perfect to understand the full impact of Gibson's narrative.

It doesn't get more 90s than this

Firstly, Braveheart would have been a more successful film if it had captions telling you what emotions to feel. You know it's true: 

“Wallace’s wife is being senselessly slaughtered. Feel sad for Wallace.”
“War is brutal. You should feel a combination of thrill and horror. Observe the blood spurt from that man’s severed leg.”
“These peasants are mad at the government. They would rather die than live in bondage.”
“Look how grimy the heroes’ countenances appear. Warriors do not have time to bathe.”
“We totally could have managed a husband/wife relationship throughout a three hour film if we had wanted to.”

These types of subtitles would have enhanced (almost subliminally) the viewer's experience, leaving no one in doubt of the quality of this noble 90s epic.

As pumped as I was to hear how many “Squish” sound effects existed in the 1990s, it was hard to concentrate on the battle sounds when there were so many girly Englishmen traipsing around. Though every student of history knows that all Scotsmen have virile, deep voices, and all Englishmen are effeminate with high voices, it was not Gibson's best choice to cast the film so accurately. It detracts from the battle scenes.

And speaking of battle scenes: WHY CANT FIGHT SCENES B LONGER THEY R 2 SHORT. I felt so gypped. I mean, I'm sure that almost half the movie was something other than fighting. Mostly talking about fighting while staring at the English army. Really, Wallace? Really? Get your butt into battle. We don't want to hear you talk about Freedom and Kilts and Stuff. (I have to admit the kilts were cool, since we all know that Scotsmen wore kilts in the 13th century.)

Anyone with a name like Lord Mungo Murray would have to wear a kilt

Wallace, despite this flaw of not fighting enough, is truly awesome. The inclusion of a lead with no discernible character was a truly brilliant move on Gibson's part. It shows how even the most boring people can become heroes if all their peers blindly follow them for no apparent reason.

There are so many morals with modern impact in this film. Aside from the one enumerated, it wasn't until I watched Braveheart that I discovered that the current set of swear words was the norm during the late medieval era. I also didn't know that battle during this era looked like a confused Civil War reenactment from 1995.

One last gripe: Gibson got so close to eliminating all his female characters...but he didn't. Why? He got Wallace's wife killed off within half an hour, then he had to go and have a fling with the future Queen of England. What in the world? 

Wallace should have forsworn womanhood so we didn't have to watch him interact with a person who he saw as an equal. Unbecoming.

As for the queen, Wallace should have shipped her to Norway or she should have just knitted in the background of every scene in the English court. She could have gotten so much more knitting done if she hadn't messed with Wallace, which is truly a loss.

The bottom line with the ladies of the film is that it was damaging to have people with some sort of personality in the movie.

I'm afraid I left before the end, as my bedtime prohibited a contiguous viewing. That doesn't mean that I cannot affirm that Braveheart is the best film in the history of films that have men in kilts mooning the camera.

It's a winner.

Link: Punctuating Dialogue

The messier details of dialogue punctuation and capitalization annoy me.  An Ask.com article clears up some of the fog with these six rules:

1. Use a comma between the dialogue and the tag line 
2. Periods and commas go inside the quotation marks in American writing
3. When a tag line interrupts a sentence, it should be set off by commas. 
4. To signal a quotation within a quotation, use single quotes
5. For interior dialogue, italics are appropriate, just be consistent.
6. If a quotation spills out over more than one paragraph, don't use end quotes at the close of the first paragraph. Use them only when a character is done speaking.

Most of them are obvious, but these rules and the accompanying rules of capitalization make writing dialogue less of a headache.

LlamaCare: The Fight for Equality

According to the AP (All-Powerful ones), SCOTUS (the Supreme Counts of The United States) have decided to overturn the President's landmark legislature LlamaCare, despite cautioning voices from dissenting Counts and famous actors.

Justice Wholly Toledo has viciously decried LlamaCare, citing statistics. This strikes me as a basic misunderstanding of the role of a Supreme Count. They are supposed to figure out what all the big words in the Constitution mean, not cite statistics. That's what pundits and sports announcers do.

Worse however is the discrimination against Llamas inherent in this controversial decision. Some say that LlamaCare makes people pay for healthcare they don't use, but how is that even an issue? Why is money such a big deal when the government can just print more of it and give it to us?

How could you deny a face like that?

As always, it's the silly ReTublicans causing the stir in this debate. They want llamas to pay for their own health care, arguing that healthcare is a privilege not a right. (What about my right to privileges, huh?) Thankfully, DemoBrats bravely assert that llamas are incapable of getting off their proverbial llama couches and getting a job good enough to provide health insurance. Only DemoBrats are willing to pay the money necessary to keep llamas from feeling like they've been discriminated against.

And that's what's at stake, isn't it? No one cares about letting people get good doctors, it only matters that politicians can say with a clear conscience that he has done his bit to get every llama has been insured. And nothing is worth so much as giving a politician a legitimate talking point.

Show your support of LlamaCare by using the hashtag #savethellamas on Twitter and Pinterest. We will not be silenced until more people get free stuff.