A Guide to Buying Classical Music

Buying pop music is easy. You know which piece of music you want? You buy it. There are not, thankfully, ten versions of Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball." The older the music, however, the harder the decision gets. Settling on a piece of music is often the easiest part of buying a CD or MP3 Album.

Let's say I'm off to buy a recording of Tchaikovsky's underrated 2nd Piano Concerto. The first page of an Amazon search result lists over 15 different recordings. And that's just the first page. How should I pick which recording to buy?

I Puritani Synopsis

It's that time again, folks. Your occasional opera synopsis. Today, I puritani by Count Carlo Pepoli and the great Italian composer, Vincenzo Bellini. That this was Bellini's last opera had to do less with the opera and more with his dying, in case you were wondering.

The Puritans

Some soldiers listen to the principles sing a prayer. Riccardo is moping because his intended, Elvira, doesn't seem to be digging the relationship. Once he pops off, Elvira herself enters with her uncle, who she insists must call her his daughter. He tells her how he persuaded her father to let her marry for love, which makes her chipper, for now she can marry Arturo, the dashing royalist. Arturo gets word of this and serenades her. Soon, however, he discovers that the fugitive ex-queen of England is tooling about the castle. He insists on escorting her to France once they can escape unnoticed. Elvira reenters and declares she is pumped for her wedding. She also deposits her veil on the ex-queen's head to see how it looks, but forgets to remove it. Everyone admires her innocence. 

It's not every day you get the Queen of England to model for you

Arturo is stopped by Riccardo, who is still peeved he's taken his girl. Stopping him from trafficking political fugitives is a great excuse to get revenge, he reasons, but Arturo works his charm on him. He is allowed to leave with the queen, provided it happens now, sans wedding.

Arturo inexplicably charms everyone

Elvira frolics onto the stage. Arturo's absence makes her go nuts. A whole new act is devoted to Elvira still going nuts. In the third act, however, something happens. Arturo is done chaperoning royalty, and declares he is giddy at being safe in England once again. Elvira stumbles onto the stage, and after twenty minutes of ecstatic reunion, the two of them kiss and make up. But Arturo is not as innocent of the law as he suspected, and he is sentenced to death for his royalist tendencies. But, lest there be need for a third (fourth?) mad scene, a universal pardon arrives. This is in time to save Elvira’s sanity, but not Arturo’s, as he has already by this time sung multiple notes above C5. Elvira, once again pumped for her wedding, out-sings everybody like any sane woman might.

Finis

Check out my other synopses by clicking on the opera label.

Lucia di Lammermoor Summary

It's that time again, in which the writer publishes a brilliant distillation of one of your favorite operas. Today's victim, Donizetti's Lucia di Lammermoor.

Act 1

Enrico: Edgardo is a jerk. I hate him. A lot.
Normanno: Yeah, your sister's dating him.
Enrico: Neewww.

Lucia: I saw a freaky apparition, but Edgardo is awesome.
Edgardo: I am awesome. But I have run some errands for the king of France, so...
Lucia: You'll sigh your love to the wind?
Alisa: (I'm out of here.)
Edgardo: You can bet your marbles on it.

Lucia sees a freaky apparition

Enrico: Marry Arturo.
Lucia: But he's all short and second-tenorish.
Enrico: But he's rich—I mean he's *sich* a great guy. And look at this letter showing Edgardo's gone off with some other chick.
Lucia: Guisto ceil!
Enrico: Anywho, marry Arturo or else.
Raimondo: It's probably a good plan. Probably.
Lucia: Fine.

Chorus: We're a happy chorus.
Arturo: I'm pretty happy too.
Chorus: But our collective happiness is better.

Lucia: I'm signing this contract, even though I'd rather die. Just saying.
Edgardo: I'm back from France!—oh stink.
Lucia/Alisa/Edgardo/Arturo/Enrico/Raimondo: (Emotions.)
Edgardo: Traitor.
Lucia: It's not my fault! (Faints.)

Scotsmen are much more emotional when they sing in Italian

Act 2

Edgardo: Duel me.
Enrico: Okay.

Chorus: We're still collectively pleased with the proceedings of this opera, you'll note.
Raimondo: Cease your merriment. Lucia went mad!
Chorus: Dear me.
Raimondo: She also stabbed her husband and—but look, here she comes.
Chorus: O giusto ceilo!
Lucia: Edgardo is awesome, and we're getting married. Woah, phantom. You know how awesome Edgardo is? This awesome. Snap, I'm going to die. Please leave me flowers.

Lucia goes mad for a while

Edgardo: Where's Lucia?
Raimondo: Heaven, alas. If only she hadn't listened to me.
Edgardo: Neewww! I will join her. (Stabs himself.) See you in heaven, Lucia!
Men's Chorus: What an idiot!

Norma Synopsis

It's Opera Synopsis Sunday, wherein the clever writer distills a great opera down into its core essence:

Norma

Music by Vincenzo Bellini

Libretto by Felice Romani

The Chorus of Druids complains about the government.  Pollione, the head Roman, later enters and complains about his love life.  The priestess Norma enters after he leaves; she says a prayer and complains about her love life.  The Chorus is still not happy about the government.  Once they're gone, Adalgisa enters, says a prayer, and complains about her love life.  Pollione enters and convinces her to run away with him.

Norma says a prayer to get the chorus to shut up about politics

Norma freaks out.  Adalgisa enters wondering if she can break her promise of chastity.  Norma knows it's possible to do without permission, so she figures she may as well grant Adalgisa freedom.  Pollione enters.  Norma freaks out.  Adalgisa, once she figures out they're both in love with the same guy, also freaks out.  They all get overwrought.  When the chorus is heard offstage complaining about the government, Pollione runs away.

Norma freaks out, almost killing her kids.  Adalgisa enters and tries to be nice.  It works.  

Norma and Adalgisa, BFFs

The Chorus is still griping about the government.  Norma finds out that Pollione is trying to abduct Adalgisa.  She freaks out and calls for war.  The Chorus merrily obliges.  Pollione is captured, and Norma confesses her guilt so they can die together.  Pollione decides Norma was actually pretty cool after all.